My name is fujii Karen. I’m 23 years old. I’m studying at university in Osaka. I’m the last child from three siblings. I have brother name ryuusei, he’s the oldest child and the kindest sibling that I have. I also have a sister name shuuka, she’s the evil sister. Always mad at me without any reason, but sometime she can be so kind to me. But never spoil me like my brother. Huft. She always ignore me when I want to be spoiled from her. Oh yeah, I also have a lover that 2 years older than me. Her name is washio reina. She’s my sister’s best friend but I don’t mind it. My parents already know about our relation since the day we date and they don’t mind it.
Today, I’m going to have a date with reina to celebrate our 7 years anniversary. Hehehe. So long right. Our relation went really well. Never fight because of something that not too important. We always trust each other. Believing that we won’t betray each other. That’s what make our relation never have any problem. We never mad at each other just because of forgetting something. Instead, we keep on saving each other from trouble.
I already have plan to give reina a special surprise for our anniversary. I’m going to take her to the places that I really love at Osaka. I have to get ready before the time is wasted. “mom, dad, I’m going first. I’m going to stay at miyakojima’s resort.” I excuse myself and leave my house. I run toward garage and ask for my security to prepare the car that going to take me to reina’s house and airplane. After a few minutes, finally my car is ready to use.
I enter my car and ask for my personal driver drive the car heading toward my lover’s house. Her house is a little bit far from mine. To arrive there, I need around 45 minutes. But don’t worry, I know a shortcut to arrive to her house in a short time. And yeah only 20 minutes, I already arrive right at her house. I ask my driver to press the honks 2 times and not too long after that, she got out from her house with a no sleeves blue sky dress as her outfit for today.
She walk toward my car and enter it. I give her a quick kiss on her pinkish lips which make her blush. And that makes me giggle. I just about to ask the driver to drive the car, but I realize something. She haven’t used her seatbelt. I bent my body to reach the belt’s head. I pull it down not to forget to give a little peck on her lips. And again, her face turn into a pitch red. “ready to go now?” I ask. She nod shyly. So cute. “next time, no sneaking.” She said almost in a whisper. I burst into a laughter when I see her red face like this one.
Around 30 minutes, finally, we arrive at the airport. I thank my driver and ask him to go back to house. After my driver leave the airport, I held her hand and enter the airport. We walk toward the check in point in the airport. After doing some check in, we enter the airplane that will take us toward Okinawa. So excited to feel the freshness of Okinawa’s breeze. “where’re we going?” she ask to me. Seriously, she doesn’t know where’re we going? She can know just by looking at her passport. I decide to ignore her by using my headphone and go to sleep. “nee.” She keeps on whining, move my body, and disturb me, but I don’t even budge to answer her whine. I want her to know by herself. After a while, finally she stop my moving my body. I open my right eyes to see what she’s doing there. I could see the figure of my lover that sulking with a pout on her face. So cute. I close my eyes again. And decide to sleep while keeping a small smile plastered on my face.
In the middle of my sleep, I can feel that there’s a weight on my right shoulder. I open my eyes and search for the causes. I turn and found my lover’s head laid comfortably on my shoulder. I smile. I raise my hand for a while, then I pull reina’s body closer to me. I want to sleep, but it seems that I can’t do that now. I was given a very special view right in front of me. I kiss her forehead, wishing her to have a good dream. I take out my phone and look at the clock. 13.45. I sleep for about 1 hour 30 minutes. 15 minutes left.
I decide to play games on my phone. At least until the plane’s landed and I’ll wake this beauty up. But a moment later, I can feel her move under my hands. I close my phone and take a look at the beauty in my arms. She’s opening her eyes. I guess my movement wake her up. I finally move my hand from her shoulder. I move to give a little peck on her forehead. “did I wake you up?” I ask her. She shakes her head. Looking at her reaction like that, I sigh. I kiss her lips for a moment. She doesn’t refuse my action. I parted our lips and attach our forehead together.
“I’m sorry okay. Please, don’t sulk anymore.” I apologized to her. She nod again with a shy smile. I place my hand on her shoulder and pull her closer to me. At least, I want to stay like this until the day when god finally separates the two of us.
“Karen? We already landed.” Her voice finally breaks my thought apart.
“e-eh, l-l-let’s go.” I stuttered. I pulled her hand and decide to leave the plane.
Oh god. Please don’t let this day over that easily. Please let me love her until the day you separates me with her. Recently, I got some feelings that something might happened between my relations with my beauty. I don’t know what is it and that really make me scared to die. I don’t want to be separated from her.
“Karen, Karen.” Her voice snap all of my thought. Oh god. I’ve been losing my guard. I can’t space around when I’m with her.
“what is it?” I ask her while grabbing her hand tightly.
“you’ve been spacing a lot lately. Is there something bothered your mind?”
That question strike my heart immediately. She can’t know what I’m thinking. I have to make this day as the happy one and bright, not gloomy like my mind. I shake my head with a smile. “you sure?” she ask again. I pat her head while laughing hard. “I’m okay, reina. Don’t worry.” I answer her. When we exit the airport, I call a taxi that will take us to miyakojima.
I put my headphone on and turn a music along while playing a game on my phone. Reina just lay her head on my shoulders and play my hair. The habit that won’t disappear when she’s with me. This kind of treatment really make me happy. She treats me like I’m the top priority in her life. I kind of appreciate it. I finally stop playing my game and focus on the girl beside me. She’s a beauty and an angel for me.
“nee, Karen, do you think that our relation can stay forever?”
“as long as we continue to love, our relation will stay forever, reina.”
Just right after what I said, we arrive to my destination. Sunayama beach. We got out from the taxi and walk toward the beach. Just by walking, I can feel the breezy wind of the beach. “wait, we’re at miyakojima Sunayama beach?” oh god, reina why you have to be so slow on thinking. I just smile while taking off my sandal and held it by my hand. The warm of the white sand touch the soles of my feet. Reina do the same with me and pull my hands toward the beach. She’s just the same with kid that just got a toy from their parents.
“KAREN, HURRY UP.” She shouts when she already arrive to the shore. I run to catch up with her speed. She’s totally hyped up with this. I smile looking at her childish part. Just when I put my feet on the cool sea water, reina splash my body with the water. I just laugh and try to give a little revenge by splashing water toward her too. Luckily this handbag that I use is the waterproof one, if no, I’m sure that my camera can’t be use anymore. I run to catch her from behind when she let her guard down.
I pull her down toward the water with me. I observe her beautiful face from down here. She has a pair of not too round eyes, not too tall nose, and not too thick yet not too thin pinkish lips. All of her facial parts are perfect and it always turn me on. I caress her puffy cheeks. She closes her eyes signing that she’s enjoying my touch. I pull her into a wet hug. Ahaha, I want to make her clothes wet like mine. And let our body’s heat warm our body. “Karen love you, reina.” I whisper to her ears. “reina also love you, Karen.” She whispered back.
Luckily, I already prepare some clothes, towels, and many other things from the start. If no, then I won’t be having any change for clothes. I walk toward a tent that has many things inside there. One of the things is my back that full of my spare clothes. I know that mom or dad must have command all of the workers here to prepare this all. “reina, go change your clothes. We’re going to have our dinner.” I call her from here. The time passed so fast. I feel that I just arrive here around 3 o’clock, and now, the clock already shows that this is already 5. 45. I have to hurry. If no, I can’t make it to watch the sunset here.
30 minutes later, we finished changing our clothes. I pull her toward the big wall that made by natural stone. I take two cloths to cover our body from catching cold. I smile. This is the third time for us to celebrate our anniversary at beach. But the previous two times, we only come to play and we can’t even see the beautiful view of the sunset. And now, I want to change the history. I want to make this day as the most memorable and the most beautiful day that I ever have in my life. I look at the clock. 6.15. Almost there.
I held her hand tightly just like I will never let her go. Okay, it’s the time. By the time, the sun begin to set, I take my camera out and take a picture of reina and us. And I take a picture when I kiss her cheeks, her forehead, and last her lips. That will be the most important treasure that I ever have in my life. I love you, rei and it will never change.
*****
Half a year almost passed since the day when I celebrate my anniversary with reina. For our relation, still in a good one. But not with my family. Mom and dad always fight against something that not important, niichan always butt in into my parents fight, and neechan always come back late in order to avoid my parent’s fight. And so do I. since the day mom and dad fight, I rarely go home. Usually, I would go back around 1 or 2 time only. Only to make sure my silly sister is fine. I sleep at my apartment when I don’t want to go home.
Right now, I still stay at my college with my group member. Ah yeah, I forgot to tell you guys that inside my college, there’s 3 famous group that being combine into one. The 3 groups are dream, flower, and happiness, while the combine one is e-girls. Dream consist of 3 member and that 3 is our legendary senior in college. Flower consist of 7 member and two of them is my sister and my lover. Happiness consist of 7 member too and one of them are me. And e-girls consist of 19 people. I, neechan, and rei-chan also join e-girls.
And now, I have a meeting with e-girls member today. I don’t know if neechan attend it or not but I’m sure that rei-chan will attend it. I walk toward a room that we use for group meeting. And when I enter it, I can see that most of the member already inside the room except for me, rei-chan, and neechan. And one of my senior, ami-san, ask me to search for the two of them. I agree and start to search for them.
Actually finding them is much easier than when I was asked to search for ami-san and aya-san. I just walk toward my faculty and I found the two of them sitting on my faculty bench. I can hear what they’re talking about from my standing place. “what should I do, shuu? They’ve been like that since 3 months ago.”
“I don’t know what to do too. My parents also has been like that since 6 months ago.”
“they just keep on fighting without minding me. I just feel that I’m useless. I can’t do this.”
“you’re not alone, you still have me and her. You and 1 already know everything that will happen next while she doesn’t, rei. Keeping her by your side is the best thing for now.”
“but shuu, I can’t take it. I want to be with her forever.”
What is the thing that this two said? I decide to walk closer to them. “neechan, rei-chan, ami-san is asking for our attendance on our meeting, right now.” I said. They nod. I decide to go back while they stand up from their previous spot. Reina’s grab on my hand make me stop from walking and wait for her. I smile toward her despite after hearing what she just said earlier. I’ll ask about it later. It’s not the time for asking question around. “I forget to tell you something, rei. Next Saturday is my parent’s 28th anniversary, and I want to celebrate it with them along with my siblings and you.” I said to her. She look at me and nod with a smile.
I just want to hope that there’s nothing happened when I celebrate my parent’s 28th anniversary next week. I want to celebrate it and also, I want to propose reina right in front of my family. On this august, me, neechan, and rei will graduate from college. Why it have to be so long? Because we already promise since the day reina and neechan enter college. After I propose her, I’ll graduate, and I’ll be the next CEO of my father’s company. I just hope that there won’t be any trouble that will occur.
*****
Today is the day when my parent’s is having their 28th anniversary. I’ve been preparing it since 4 days ago so that the plan won’t be ruined anymore. My college is having a holiday, and right now, I and reina are in the supermarket to search for everything that I’ll be needing for tonight. I can’t wait to see how their reaction is when I celebrate their anniversary. No matter how frequent my parents fight, they never forget about their anniversary as a wed couple. They will forget their problem only for celebrating their anniversary with their son and daughters.
“What do you think about this one?” I ask reina about something that I just pull out from the shelf.
“it’s good. But we need something more special to celebrate their anniversary.” She answer as a suggestion. I nod and continue to search for something else.
We walk passing many corners inside the plaza for about 3 hours already and I still haven’t found anything. I’m so tired. Walking no stop for 3 hours isn’t a good idea actually. Not to mention that my stomach has been ringing since earlier. When I turn to right, I saw a restaurant. That restaurant is the first place for me to have a date with reina. “rei, that’s our first date’s place right?” I ask her while showing the restaurant to her. She turns and smile.
“indeed it is.” She answer. I pull her hand and we enter the restaurant. When we enter, I search for our favorite place when we eat here. The last table behind on the most corner of the restaurant. The moment we sit there, the customers there look at us with a questioning look. But we don’t care.
“it really nostalgic isn’t it?”
“it is. It’s been seven years passing since that day.”
“I never think that I would date with the most troublesome junior in school.”
“I also never think that you would become the most precious girl in my life.”
“always skipping class and give trouble to the student council and teachers is your hobby. Make your sister mad is your top priority.”
“teasing you and making you blush is my favorite job. Actually that time, my top priority is only to gain my sister’s attention to me. But I never know why I can get your attention instead of my sister’s.”
“we’re the same, Karen. Trying to seek attention to the person that we love.”
I smile while holding tight her hands. We keep on talking until the waitress come and bring our favorite food here. Actually, most of the menu here is the menu that I and reina make. Hehe, we’re the most precious customers in this restaurant. Nah, I’m just joking. But it’s true that most of the menu here is the one that we produce. Even the waitress or the waiter had already memorized all the food we would order even though we did not order it.
We keep on talking about our relation from seven years ago. It feels so nostalgic. Not to mention that we are talking about how we meet, our first impression, and the day where I finally confess my love to her. Actually when confessing, I didn’t say the word first. I make her hurt by my action once, and finally I said by word. My actions that time are saying about how much I love her, but I don’t if that really hurt her.
In the middle of our talk, I jerk my head up and my eyes catch someone that I really recognize. “rei, isn’t that your mother?” I ask while pointing out the person that I just see. She turns behind and she widened her eyes. “what is mom doing here?” she ask in a low voice when she turns again. I just shrugged my shoulders off and continue to eat my favorite dessert here.
“do you want to go home now?” I ask when we already finished our lunch. She nod and we stood up from our seat. After we pay, we leave the restaurant and walk again searching for the present. And again. Someone that I really recognize pass by. “dad?” I whispered. Then we enter the shopping center. I’m not sure if I saw it right or not. But maybe that is just my imagination.
After 2 hours inside there, finally we found what we’re searching. We pack it immediately and heading towards my house. Because the time is showing that this is already 6.24. P.m. we spent more than 5 hour just for searching my presents. But it’s okay. As long as they happy. I ask neechan if she’s already home or not, and she said that she already home with niichan waiting for me and reina to come.
Around 30 minutes, finally, we arrive at my house. I smile. I hope that there’s nothing will occur today. I held her hand while holding the present. I turn the knob slowly. Enjoying the rhythm of my heartbeat right now. And yeah. It seems that god doesn’t want to grant my wish. The moment I open the door, a loud banging and voices enters my ear immediately. I decide to walk inside. I found the figure of mom, dad, niichan, and neechan is separating mom and dad. My tears poured down immediately. Her grips on my hands are becoming tight.
“that’s fine, akiko. If that is what you want.”
“yes that is what I want. You with your own and I also with my own.”
“okay. then if that is what you want, LET’S JUST DIVORCE.”
“YEAH. DO IT RIGHT NOW. YOU’RE THE ONE THAT CHEAT BEHIND ME. YOU CHOOSE THAT WOMAN OVER ME THAT ALREADY ACCOMPANY YOU FOR 28 YEARS.”
My tears keep on flowing. My heart ache when I heard that my parents are going to divorce. My rage has been piled up since earlier. And I want to let it all out.
“after what you have done to us, you just ditch us like that? Don’t you ever think that Karen really need you guys to be with Karen? You guys are the one that teach Karen to stay loyal to your partner no matter what kind of problems that come to us. AND NOW YOU GUYS ARE THE ONE THAT BREAK THAT.”
“k-Karen, i-it –j-just a misunderstanding dear.”
“AFTER EVERYTHING THAT KAREN SEE, YOU ALL STILL CAN SAY THAT THIS IS JUST A MISUNDERSTANDING? KAREN HEAR IT ALL. IF YOU GUYS WANT TO GET DIVORCE, THEN DO IT. YOU GUYS NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT KAREN FEELS. KAREN HATE YOU ALL.”
After I said everything that I want to say, I threw the present that I just buy with reina and it give me a loud ‘PRANG!!!’ sound. I leave my house with tears on my face. “KAREN!!!” I can hear neechan, niichan, and reina’s voice calling me from inside my house. I run, run, run, and run until I saw a pole right in front of me. I lay my back on the pole while my tears keep on flowing. I can feel hands are wrapped on my shoulders. Neechan, niichan, and reina are here hugging me with their own warmth. I can tell that neechan and niichan are crying because of what I said earlier. I guess I really hurt the two of them.
“I’m sorry. I’m not supposed to do that.”
“we’re the one that supposed to say that, Karen. We’re sorry to you because we can’t keep our promise to you.”
“neechan and niichan is not wrong. It’s Karen’s mistake. Karen shouldn’t have done that, when Karen already know what’s happening to mom and dad.”
“please. Don’t say anything like that. It’s not your fault, Karen. We all grateful for what you’ve done. It give us courage to bring our old family back.”
I only can keep on letting my tears out. I really feel so disappointed with my own self. I never make anyone proud of me. I only can ruin everything. Huft. Everything are too heavy to weight on. I don’t want to feel any of this. The more I cry, the more my emotions flowing out. Eventually, I’m tired to cry and finally fall asleep on reina’s hand. I just hoped that I will be fine with my parent’s decisions before I jumped into my dreamland that full with happiness.
*****
It’s been 1 year since the day my parents decided to divorce and it’s been 3 months since mom and dad final divorce trial. The judges decide that I, neechan, and niichan will follow dad. I want to be with mom. But Huft. I’ll listen to what mom said to me. “you have to accept it, Karen. No matter what happen, mom will always stay as yours, shuuka’s, and ryuusei’s mother. Mom love you all.” That is the last sentence that she let out when we met for the last time. Now, mom already move to Las Vegas just to avoid dad. And I, never give a step at my own house.
I never want to give any step to that house anymore. There’s no warmth inside there. Neechan and niichan move to their own apartment on the same building with mine. So the same with reina. She never steps in to her own house anymore. It seems that her parents are also divorced. And she doesn’t want to follow her mom or her dad.
And yeah, in this 1 year, I know the reasons why dad want to divorce with mom and why mom decide for not letting me to go home and why mom decide to run to las Vegas. I know all about it now. Including about the secret that reina hide from me. I already know it all. Maybe I should end this after all. But still I want to have a little time with her. Until the day come.
Today, there’s a festival in my school. That festival is my last summer projects as a university student. After that, I have a quality time with my siblings and reina. And after our quality time, I’m going to the hill with reina, and after that we go home. But maybe, the quality time, I have to cancel it into the day where niichan come home from visiting mom at Las Vegas. I sit at my favorite place to watch the festival. My sister’s class from art faculty.
From here, I can see everyone from here. I also can see reina is standing there right on the stage with flower’s member. I let a small smile that full of pain plastered on my face. This is going to be the last for me and her. I have to let her go. I have to. Even if I know that I can’t. “and now, please listen to our special songs, moon jellyfish and hoka no dareka yori kanashii koi wo shita dake.” Neechan said as the MC. The first song, moon jellyfish started now.
(Yu.la.la.la.Yu.la.la.la.Yu.la.la…) You make me so blue (no)
(Fu.la.la.la.Fu.la.la.la.Fu.la.la…) Jellyfish love
(Yu.la.la.la.Yu.la.la.la.Yu.la.la….)
Oeba ou hodo anata wa watashi kara nigeru soburi ne
Dakara hanareyou to suru to kondo wa oikakete kuru wa
Akuariumu de raitoappu sarete kirakira
Kuragetachi ga awa no naka wo tayutatteru
I’m your moon jellyfish
Hon no sukoshi yoso mi wo shichattara
Kono koi wa isshun ni shite inaku naru
Yomi torenai sono manazashi no imi ga shiritai no
Yu.la.Yu.la.la.
Yurete yurete yurete memai ga suru wa
Heart dake 40℃ no netsu aru mitai
Anata to kisu wo suru tabi chotto kanashii…demo ureshii
Watashi no koto wo ichiban shiawase ni suru no wa anata
Dakedo watashi wo dare yori yarusenaku saseru no mo anata
Namiuchigiwa ni ashiato wo ikutsu nokoshitemo
Wave illusion sugu ni nami ga keshi saru no yo
You’re my moon jellyfish
Omoi kitte sono kirei na hada ni
Fureyou to sureba chiku to mune wo sasu
Sawareba sawaru hodo itaku harete shimau no
Fu.la.Ful.la.la
Kawaru kawaru kawaru sono atichuudo
Yume wo miru tabi sugu yume ga sameru
Watashitachi wa kore kara natsu ni mukau no
Oto mo naku tsuki no shizuku ga umi ni ochiteku
Nagasarenai kurai shikkari daki shimete ite…daite
(Fu.la.la.la.Fu.la.la.la.Fu.la.la…)
You’re my moon jellyfish
Omoi kitte sono kirei na hada ni
Fureyou to sureba chiku to mune wo sasu
Sawareba sawaru hodo itaku harete shimau no
Fu.la.Ful.la.la
Kawaru kawaru kawaru sono atichuudo
Yume wo miru tabi sugu yume ga sameru
Watashitachi wa kore kara natsu ni mukau no
Jellyfish love (moon)
I don’t know why, but every time I hear this song, I can feel that my heart is torn out into pieces. This is one of the song that she often sing in front of me. I always cry every time I think about my relation with reina when I hear this song. I look straight into the sky, why it have to be so hard? Huft. I know that this is forbidden and soon will end. But, why it has to be this hurt?
Kore ijou watashi wo aisanaide
Hanarerarenai yoru ni shinaide
Anata ga hontou ni suki na hito wa
Watashi igai ni mo iru n dakara
Naze anata ga naku no?
Naku no wa itsumo watashi datta no ni
Totsuzen suna no shiro wa kowarete shimau mono na no
Aishiteta? kesshite shiawase ni naranai koi ni mayotte
Owari ga aru koto wo miyou tomosezu ni
Anata wo omoi tsudzukeru riyuu wo
Usotsuki? usotsuki? sagashite ita
Hoka no dareka yori kanashii koi wo shita dake
Sonna fuu ni omoikonde wasureru wa
Mou dame yo dame mou owari ni shimashou
Watashi tachi eien ni? Forbidden love Forbidden love
Kore ijou watashi wo tamesanaide
Yasashisa nante namida ni naru desho?
Saigo no saigo ni daki attara
Soko kara saki wa aka no tanin
Nee kizutsuketari kizutsuitari wo kurikaeshi nagara
Koi yori sabishii kankei tsuzukete icha ikenai wa
Aishiteta? kesshite kanau hazu nai yume wo mite ita watashi
Ashita kara wa mata hitori ni modoru no ne
Mukashi kara sou iya na yokan hodo
Atatte shimau no wakatteru no
Hoka no dareka yori kanashii koi wo shita dake
Anata no koto nante sugu wasurerareru
Tsuyogari ja nai wa furimuitari shinai wa
Gomenne saki ni iku wa ne? Good-bye my love
Watashi anata to wakareru n ja nai anata wo aishita jibun to wakareru no
Bara no hana no toge mitai? chikuri､ wa
Ashiteta? kesshite shiawase ni naranai koi ni mayotte
Owari ga aru koto wo moyou tomosezu ni
Anata wo omoi tsuzukeru riyuu wo
Usotsuki? usotsuki? sagashite ita
Hoka no dareka yori kanashii koi wo shita dake
Sonna fuu ni omoikonde wasureru wa
Mou dame yo dame mou owari ni shimashou
Watashi tachi eien ni? Forbidden love Forbidden love
This time, I really let my tears pour down. Is this going to be the end? Is she trying to say goodbye to me? I have to make a decision. Keep on loving with sin or end this quickly without minding my heart. I wiped off my tears. I put a smile on my face. Saying that this is the best for us. I decide to leave my sister’s class and pick reina up.
I walk toward the backstage and search for the figure of my lover. Everyone at the backstage are looking at me with strange look on their face. I don’t know why they look at me with that kind of face. Are they questioning the reasons why I cry? I don’t care. “reina.” I called. But it seems that my voice are shaking. She turns and look at me. “you just cry, didn’t you?” she said. I just smile when she wipes off my tears that poured again. I shook my head. “I just touched by the way you sing.” I answer. She smiles. I held her hands. And after that I look at neechan. She looks at me while giving a nod and a sad smile. “let’s go.”
After I said that, I run while pulling her. This is the moment that I’ve been waiting for. And in a sudden, all of my memory with reina in this 7 years popped out in my mind. And again my hearts refuse to accept the reality that I’m not going to be with reina anymore. Without realizing, my feet stop. Which make reina, stop too. “something wrong?” I shook my head. Luckily, when I stop I realized that the place that I’m heading for is not too far from our spot. I bent my body down and carry with bridal style. Then, I start to run. “kyaaa!!!!” she screams and place her hands on my neck. I laugh looking at her reaction. She never change. Everything that she has, everything about her never change a little bit. She’s still the same reina. I know that she’s been enduring pain since earlier.
I run toward our favorite place in this town. My favorite place to enjoy our time together. The place that only I know. The only place where I can let all my feelings out. When I arrive, I lay her to the ground and I do the same with her. I held her hand and pull her to come closer to me and which ended up with a hug. I use my own hand as her pillow. All of the memory about us popped out once again. but I manage to keep it down and wish for this moment lasted forever. I keep on kissing the top of her head while keep on repeating ‘I love you.’ To her. And surely that make my heart hurt again.
“nee, do you think that our relation will stay forever? Until the day god separated the two of us?”
“I believe there’s nothing can make our relation become weakening.”
“what if one of us lie?”
The final question that I ask blow up everything. Just like demanding answer from her, wind blows really aggressive. I let out a painful smile, broke the hug, and sit straight heading toward the setting sun. My tears that I’ve been holding since earlier poured down immediately. “you can’t answer it right?” and still, there’s no answer coming from her mouth. “do you want to know the reason why you can’t answer it?” I touch my chest. Trying to lessen the pain in my heart.
“because, you already lie to me about the truth and the secret that you kept with neechan.”
The final sentence give the final blow to her. I know everything, reina. You can’t lie to me anymore. I stand from the previous spot. And now, it’s time to face the truth that I really want to hear from her mouth. The sound of the grass brushing each other don’t even make me budge to turn. All I need is truth. “why you never tell me, rei?” I ask in a low voice because of the tears and the feeling that asking for the release. I don’t want to shout, scream or anything else at her. Doing that will only increasing the pain in my heart.
“why you always say I love you to me when you that in the end, we’re going to be sisters?”
“why you keep on loving me when you that this will become a sin if you keep on continuing it?”
“why you always stay still without saying anything to me?”
“what do you think I am, rei? I’m still a human. I have my own feeling.”
“why it have to be me that feel this?”
“why you never tell me the truth on the first place?”
“why you never say that my father and your mother are going to get married tomorrow, rei?”
“I’m begging you, please answer my question, rei.”
She’s still not answering me. I’m not mad. I just want to know the reason why she never want to share the truth of this secrets. And her answer that she let out make my mind blank in an instant.
“because I love and I don’t want to lose you, Karen. Because I know that no matter how hard I try to say it, it will only ended up with a pain. I’m not ready to lose you. I don’t mind having this sins as long I can love you. I only want to let you know that I also don’t want to be at this situation. It’s hurt. I never want to tell you the truth is because I know, no matter how hard I try to erase this feelings, no matter how many time I keep on repeating I can’t love you anymore, my heart know that I will only keep on going back to you and belong to you. I never want this to happen. But what else I can do? I only can endure pain in my heart alone.”
Everything feel so light right now. I can feel that she turns my body to face her. She held both of my hands. “at least, please let me enjoy the pleasure of this sins that I have, Karen.” She whispered to me before capturing my lips. She turns me on right now. Let me love you until the day ends.
*****
Finally the day has come. The day where my relations with reina finished and we’re going to be sisters from now on. It hurt me really much. I wish I can run away to Las Vegas, to the place where mom live at. “Karen, you finished?” I can hear neechan’s voice from outside of my room. I’m finished, but I’m not ready to leave this room. I still want to prepare my heart from breaking apart. “you can enter.” I said to neechan and not too long after I said that, neechan enter my room.
“until when, Karen?”
“until what? Until I can finally let her go.”
“you’re hiding under your feelings. I know that it hurts. But still, you have to face the reality, Karen.”
“this is not you, Karen. I wish you will go out to witness their vow to the god.”
After that, neechan leave me alone. No matter how many time they try to tell me to face the reality, I can’t. huft. I just want to be at here. Without minding the situation around me. I just want to calm my heart. I really separates from her. I don’t want this to happen. I want to redo everything. I want to start everything from 7 years ago.
“Karen, you sure you don’t want to meet them?” her voice is the one that I want. I just sit on the chair. The dress that I wear didn’t even bothered to make me change and stand. I just sit there with tears keep on flowing, the memory about us in this 7 years keep on haunting me. It’s the hardest thing that force me to forget everything.
“I’ll go, when the ceremony already over.”
“you sure?”
I don’t know why, but I can hear her voice is a little bit sexy in my ears. It just like that she’s been trying to seduce me. I gulped down my saliva. This is so hard to endure. Just now, I realized that her hand is placed on my neck. “I just want to calm my mind. I’ll go when my heart’s whirlwind calm down.” She turns my chair. That’s only make me forced to meet her eyes that I’ve been avoiding since earlier. When I still lost in my thought, I feel something warm and soft touch my lips. I widened my eyes. She just kissed me. This is wrong, but I can’t refuse it. She’s giving me pleasure that I want to get rid. I begin to lose my mind. I close my eyes and place my hands on her waist pulling her closer and make her sit on my laps. I bite her bottom lips slowly. “ahh…” urgh. Shit. Her moans are driving me crazy.
I move my lips from her lips to her neck. Suck, bite, and nipped until leaving a bright reddish color on her neck. It makes me so addicted. But suddenly, I realize that I shouldn’t have done this. I push her body away from mine. “I can’t.”
“finally you find your own answer, Karen.” She said with her glassy eyes. I hug her body as tight as I can. I haven’t found it. I only found the reason for me to keep on living in this world. I know what the meaning behind that stare she gives me is. I can feel that my exposed shoulder are wet because of her tears that broke. I caress her back to calm her down. I’m sorry, rei. I don’t want to increase our sins anymore. This is already enough. Let me endure this pain alone. I and reina wear the same gown that we buy together. I wear a navy black dress while reina wear the sky blue dress.
“let’s go.” She said while pulling me out from my room and run toward the back yard of my house. I can see that most of dad’s friends are making the yard crowded. Neechan and niichan are in the front row. I just stand right beside of my soon to be sister. And then, the new wed couple got out from the ceremony with a bouquet of flower right on my step mother’s hand. They turn their back and said, “ARE YOU READY GUYS?” all of the guest shouts. I just smile.
Then my step mother threw the bouquet of the flower to behind. But I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or not, my hand along with another person’s hand caught the bouquet. And when I take a look at the person that catch the bouquet, I feel surprised. “you get it, rei?” I ask her. It can’t be. Is it mean that my relation with her will continue again? she’s the same with me. She has the same ridiculous expression like mine.
“I hope we can stay forever, rei.”
“me too.”
Then we intertwine our fingers together while holding the bouquet as tight as we can. This is the best for us. And I know that god will always give me a chance to enjoy this little sins mix with pains.
~ finished ~
yokoyamamitsuki 